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kitty, Agents of SHIELD

An urgent dispatch to President Snow

To the illustrious President Snow:

We here at the Society for Improved Dictatorship have read part two of Catching Fire received news of your latest innovation in the Hunger Games, and we grew so alarmed that we had no choice but to send this urgent communique.

President Snow, cease! Desist! We can see that on paper, sending previous victors of the Hunger Games back into the arena to fight each other must have seemed like a brilliant idea and a great way to get rid of that thorn in your side, Katniss Everdeen, but in fact you are digging your own grave. Stop digging! Climb back out before you dig too deep!

The tributes are SYMBOLS OF HOPE, President Snow. They are symbols of social mobility and prosperity. If you kill them, you will push your people into utter despair, and what incentive will they have not to rebel then? Remember! Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose! And once hope is gone, the people will indeed have nothing to lose.

We realize that it can seem difficult to walk back on a policy like this, but fortunately you’ve already left yourself an out in your brilliant decision to frame this innovation in the games as an inheritance from your ancestors. You’re not changing your own policy; you’re righting a cruelty you inherited from the distant past! You have handed yourself the opportunity to frame yourself as a benevolent and thoughtful leader who listens to the cries of his people.

(You have surely heard the cries of your people? Surely the spies who undoubtedly stud every district like raisins in a fruitcake have mentioned the dismay at this new and cruel twist in the Games. You do have spies, don’t you, President Snow?)

It’s distasteful to own up to a mistake, but we believe in you, President Snow. Get up on that rostrum. Will some tears into your benevolent eyes. Normally we would not encourage such a show of weakness, but now is the time to eat some humble pie. Remember, control is a dynamic entity. Sometimes, paradoxically, slackening it will only make it stronger.

Also, there are always a few morons who poke their heads up whenever there’s a loosening of control. Take down their names and deal with them later, once the unrest has died down.

Tell the people that you suffer with them. You shared their shock at this cruel twist to your beloved Games. You’ve grown so fond of your victorious tributes! You want nothing more than to watch Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark get married and watch their three children grow up! (You can earmark one of the three for the Games. Vengeance will be delayed, but it will be sweet.) You simply can’t stand it. You’re canceling the Games this year! Instead, the whole country will join in celebrating...Katniss and Peeta’s wedding!

(Can you televise the consummation? Perhaps you should have the people vote on it. Even if the motion fails, it will show Katniss and Peeta who’s boss.)

Can you imagine the crowd going wild when they hear of your clemency? Everyone will be so grateful to you, President Snow. Nothing cements loyalty like an occasional show of benevolence. Think of the amazing news footage you’ll get from each and every district as people sob with delight in the streets. And the amazing photo op when the grateful tributes kneel at your feet and bathe your hands in kisses and tears of relief!

Yes, getting slobber all over your hands is distasteful. We all have to make sacrifices for the greater good, President Snow. And it’s certainly better to lose a little bit of dignity than your head.

Please forgive us for speaking bluntly. We would hate to see your promising dictatorship come to the ignoble end, especially when it is so easily avoided because it is entirely of your own making. Katniss Everdeen may be annoying, but we assure you, President Snow, she is a spark that will soon flicker out if you don’t fan the flames.

Can you encourage her to follow her mentor Haymitch’s sterling example into an alcohol addiction? A drunken tumble off the stage will make her infinitely less inspiring. And given her family history of depression, doubtless the alcohol (aided perhaps by some other depressant drugs) will send her into a crushing nervous breakdown. Peeta’s adoring support for his fragile wreck of a partner would make a touching continuation to their love story, don’t you think?

Also, please do not behead our messenger. Good messengers are hard to find. We’re sure you understand.

Your concerned friends,
The Society for Improved Dictatorship


(Because a couple of people asked last entry: Yes! I am still doing fics for $10+ ACLU donations, so if you'd like to sponsor a dispatch from The Society for Improved Dictatorship, just email me a screenshot of your donation receipt. I'll PM you my email if you need it. We've reached $430! Go us! Let's trek on to the wilds of $500!)

This entry was originally posted at http://osprey-archer.dreamwidth.org/571020.html. Please comment there using OpenID.


This is, like, hilarious and TERRIFYING.

I'm glad Pres Snow's advisory team wasn't this competent tbh.
If I were on President Snow's advisory team, he never would have fallen from power!

So it's probably a good thing that I'm not. But STILL. The poor quality of that man's dictatorship just distresses me.